Well, guess it's time I get the few readers that I have up to date on the current situation here in hell, a.k.a. NW Indiana. Most of the paperwork to get my ass out of here is done, there's still a few odds and ends to get wrapped up, but as of January I'll be down state once again. And let me tell you something, I'm not fucking up because I don't want to be in school any longer than I need to be. Hell, if I could be doing anything right now, I think I'd choose to be over in Iraq fighting with the boys over there, at least I'd have someone watching my back, and a hell of a lot more people to care for. But then again we can't always get our wishes, nor do things ever go smoothly in life. Thanksgiving was pretty nice, at least I didn't have to go over to the fam's place, they don't talk to us anyways (long story, don't really feel like explaining, just trust me on this one) so what's the point of going over there? Might as well be comfortable here at home. As far as the female situation is concerned, I'm pretty done with it, I give up. If you're not going to be up and front and honest with me (that goes for anyone and everyone) I don't have a use for you, so don't waste my time. Tomorrow starts the great Christmas shopping spree, and my ass has to be to work by 5:30 in the morning. No doubt we'll have a shitload of people already standing outside in the cold. I tell you, if one of those pricks goes off on me tomorrow about how long they had to stand in line, I'll strangle the fucker. The parent's lawsuit is still ongoing, the insurance company wants to settle, but the problem is that on their end the paperwork keeps changing hands, and they don't return phone calls. So rather than a nice little, out of court issue, this is going to be an all out witch hunt, with those assholes strung up by their dicks in a courtroom, just so my parents can break even. That's right, they won't get anything extra. The amount they are supposed to get, and the amount of all the medical shit is exactly the same. And mind you this has been going on for three years now. Hell my parents will be lucky if their credit is back to normal before they die. If I ever see or meet any of the people involved with the situation, you'll see my picture on the front page of the paper...Those bastards will wish for death before I'm done with them...

Ok, now usually I don't respond to comments made on what I say, but the most recent one almost requires a response. Fuck that, it needs a response. Have I analyzed my actions within these "relationships" that I've had? Most definitely, I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to self-criticizing. I tear myself apart, some would say too much. I have analyzed, and re-analyzed these situations to the point that it would make any other person sick, and honestly I've come to one very common conclusion: Women are strange creatures, and make absolutely no sense. Therefore I shouldn't waste my time in trying to understand their actions, I should try to accept them, or not. That's pretty much my choices in these matters. But I have to admit, I do love the "it's not them it's you" statement, only a woman would come back with that, or a gay guy, either way they think along the same lines. No straight guy would say anything like that, nor would that even cross his mind. Hell a normal guy wouldn't even be reading this blog, and if one was, I'd ask him why the hell he was, and then suggest other things he could be doing with his spare time rather than reading about my fucked up life. I keep this blog not for everyone to read, you can if you won't I don't care, but more for me to try to organize all the shit that goes on in my head. It's like Dr. Seuss' worst nightmare up there, but if you met me in real life you wouldn't even guess that's what it's like, I do a very good job of hiding things, too well in fact, and it has cost me dearly, but that's another story for another time. Back to the matter at hand, no it's not me, it only becomes me when I do everything I can from my end to try and figure out what's going on, but the problem lies in the fact that the other party concerned doesn't try to meet me halfway. In that case, it's the old story of when you mess with a bull you get the horns. Now I consider myself a very considerate guy. Most girls (even the ones I talk about here) would tell you that I've gone out of my way to listen to them, and be there for them no matter what. When that changes is when they change. Why and how they change, and what the reason is is beyond me, and it would help if these specific few would actually sack up from time to time and confront the issue, rather than just run away and ignore it, but therein lies a weakness/strength of mine: I take things head on. I don't run away, I confront the problem and deal with it until it's over, I don't set things aside, I don't let other people make/influence my decisions/thoughts/feelings on a subject. I'm the most considerate, sympathetic, but hard headed son of a bitch you'll ever meet. And you know what, I'm better off for it, otherwise I wouldn't have learned the most important lessons that I have over the years. So is it me? Doubt it...Is it them? More than likely, but until someone has the cojones to speak up, we'll never know...

Well, after this last week I can say that I've been to Cheers, had lobster in Maine, been on the USS Constitution, been through Rhode Island, and stepped on the beaches of New Hampshire. That's right, I did a wonderful vacantion in New England. Talk about history, oh yeah, and I spent Halloween in Salem, MA, now that was freaky. It was good to get away from the dark and dreary area of NW Indiana, and check out some new scenery, did some good for me to get away from all of the people and things that piss me off. However, when I came back today, all that stuff is still waiting for me, but oh well, such is life you know. Now, I got a cryptic message a while back, and this person didn't want me to write anything in my blog, so I won't about that, but I have to say something about last week. Now if she's reading, and maybe she is, I just would like to say that I really trusted you in sending you that essay I would like you to have read over for me. But it's nice to know that you were such a good friend that you flat out didn't do it. I was depending on you to come through, and you blew me off, so fuck you for that. I have never been more hurt, nor stabbed in the back as much as when you did that. I thought we were friends, and evidently we weren't, especially if you can let someone else dictate your friendships for you, so you know what, fuck that. Unless you want to apologize, I might as well be dead to you, because obviously I don't, and never did matter. On another note, Best Buy has now extended it's hours, so that's means more money, which of course needs to go towards paying off my fucking credit card, which was used to death this last week. Talk about being in it up to your eyeballs, but I still had a good time and it was worth it.

So here I sit, halfway through another month, and not even sure if I'm one more step to completing my goal of getting my ass out of northwest Indiana yet...Although I do try to think positive and tell myself that's it's not a matter of if, it's more a matter of when, but that's a whole 'nother story all-together. Right now I'm taking classes, and working at Best Buy. Not a bad job, the pay is very decent, I just know for sure that retail is not something that I'll ever want to do again at all in my lifetime. Funny I say that now, seeing as how the Christmas shopping season has yet to descend upon us. Oh well, maybe I'll just take a gun to work and start shooting customers that piss me off, maybe then it will teach people to show a little more cheer during the holidays. On the home front, I'm still winning the hearts and minds of all the females in my life, and by winning I mean they stop talking to me, for whatever fucking reason they have...I'm really tired of bitchy women, and how it seems like it's OK for them to be stupid, and act like asses, but when a guy does it, it's not right. Well let me tell you something ladies, first off, if we did something tell us, we don't have this all-knowing intellect that lets us know what happened, so don't be surprised if that shit happens again. Secondly, if you choose to argue with someone, do it when they're around, and not on their away message, or on their voicemail, that's just really ignorant. Thirdly, don't come to visit your ex boyfriend, get drunk, start trying to make out with him, and then get pissed off the next day because you lost your inhibitions, that shit does not fly with me. Fourthly, if you tell someone you're going to do something, fucking do it, don't sit with your thumb up your ass and wait for the guy to make the first move, because he won't, and that's just because you said you would do it. I know, seems like us guys are really idiots, but it's the girls that have their heads up their asses in this case. Now I could use all this as a general blanket statement, but I'm not that type of person, I like to take each story as they come, these are just little tidbits out of the shitstorm that is my life. But here's the really sad part, I'm not going to give up, because I like women too much, plus that and I'm not really down with drilling guys in the ass. I like tits, ass, and pussy too much to be gay. Maybe I'll be lucky and meet a hot girl that's a mute, then I won't have to deal with her talking all the time and fucking things up. But then again, with my luck, I'll get a hot chick that's dumb as a brick, and a bitch to boot. C'est la vie, c'est la fucking vie...

Well, the first week of classes is now over, and what do I think of this pissant little regional campus that I'm doomed to take classes at? Well other than the fact that it has subpar facilities, small tiny ass classrooms, and piece of shit computers, it's only redeeming factor is that there is a hell of a lot of females that attend school here. And fortunately for me, most of them are in my classes. I take four classes a day, and in three of them I am the only male, talk about a great ratio as compared to Purdue, where we were lucky to have one girl in any of our classes. So at least the scenery is worthwhile, and that's about it. I hate driving a half hour just to get to classes, then sitting through four hour and fifteen minute classes, with only a fifteen minute break between all of them. But, if this is what I have to do to my shit back on track, then so be it. I'll suck it up and do it, because I really don't have any other choices. Also, I have an interview tomorrow at Best Buy, so hopefully something will pan out with that, and I will be making some bank, versus being a broke ass mother fucker like I have been all summer. The only thing I really have to say is that Republicans and Democrats can both kiss my ass, all I care is that the Bush administration not be allowed another term in the White House. If it happens, I'm fucking moving to some little tropical island and never coming back.

Class starts in a week, yea for me, now I get to rack my brains again, seeing as how I haven't really done a damn thing this whole summer. And Bush says that the economy is on the rise, my ass. If it's on the rise, then why, after submitting over 40 applications for work can't a college kid get work over the summer? Fuck Bush, that's what I have to say about that. I don't trust a man that I can outsmart, with common sense. I mean, how the hell is the country so screwed up as to allow a trained monkey to become president? There's something seriously wrong here people. We don't speak our minds because we're too afraid to get sued, and people are just afraid of they're own shadows. It's time for the people of America to stand up and speak out against all this shit that's going down. We're tired of being run by rich, conservative assholes. It's time for the working class to have a say in things, because after all, who's making this country run? Not the people with the money, but the people that are working just to make money. For fuck's sake, there's a constitution, and we have rights, but it seems like people will make amendments just so it suits them. For instance, all this I'm saying right now would never be put on TV. Because it won't get airtime, and the networks won't feel like it's in their best interest to listen to what the average Joe has to say about things. I love America to death, it's the best country in the world, but it's time to wake up and beat the shit out of the stupid people.

Well, if anyone actually reads this, and I hope some do, life sucks. And just not in the way that you go to a movie, spend eight bucks, and see the shittiest movie in the world kind of suck. I'm talking about the meeting the best girl in the world, then having her sleep with your brother, best friend, and every single one of your acquaintances at the same time, then kicking you in the balls after it's all over with kind of suck. It's now official, other than my mom and sister, every single other female in my life has stopped talking to me. What's the reason you ask? I don't have a fucking clue. One went nuts on me, so I've pretty much just rubbed her out of existence as far as I'm concerned. One, well, I don't know what the fuck is going on. The last time we spoke, several months ago, we parted on good terms, and since then, all my attempts to contact her have gotten me nowhere. The only thing that I've gotten from her is a quick, and rather cryptic, email asking me "Have you gotten an IM's from me in the last couple months?" What the fuck is that supposed to mean? If I've been sending you emails and IM's out the ass about getting in touch with me, than no shit! I haven't gotten anything from you. Probably because you have me blocked on IM, and for some reason don't have enough respect for me, don't think of me as a friend anymore, etc. whatever the reason might be, that you won't even take the two minutes out of your busy day to drop me a line and help me understand what's going. I don't think that's so much to ask, do you? As far as the other females are concerned, I don't know...It seems like I must be such a repulsive person that it's now the new fad to stop talking to me without a viable reason. Let me tell you, boy does that do real good things for the self esteem. Well, in the words of my forefathers, fuck the fucking fuckers. Unless they actually sack up and give me a reason, and actually be decent human beings/friends as they say they are, then I have no use for that...This has been the worst summer of my life, thank you very much to any of you that read this and know who you are...

Alright campers, time for another update, this one will be about pretty much the same as last time, so hold on to your butts! Yeah well, fuck you too if you thought my life was going to change radically between the last post and now. I still have no job, two girls are now not talking to me for whatever reasons I don't fucking know. I swear, it's like a curse...I get to know a girl, get to like her, we become friends, and then she cuts me off. Almost makes me wonder if I'm sworn to only have guy friends for the rest of my life...As far as other things in life are concerned, I'm registered for classes in the fall, but I may or may not be able to take those classes depending on how my financial situation unfolds. We're still having trouble with the lawyer, she's a dumbass, and keeps telling us, "the settlement is going to come through, just give it time". Fuck that, we have a weekly meeting her so she can earn her damn money. If it was up to me, the only payment I'd give her is a taste of my foot...in her ass! Stupid bitch has been dragging her feet for two years, we need that fucking money, I don't think I can make it anymore clear than that. Not to mention the fact that all this stress is about ready to give me a damn ulcer. If a certain female happens upon this, talk to me dammit, let me know what's going on no matter what, please. Well...that's my rant for the time being, see you all again when I'm more pissed off...

So, it's now July, and a job is nowhere in sight. I've applied at over 40 different companies, including the college campus here in town, and none have even given me an interview, despite continued callbacks and walk-ins. I guess it's harder for a college student to get a job than it used to be, at least in this shithole of an area. So far I'm signed up for classes this fall, but depending on how a current lawsuit continues, I may or may not be able to actually take those classes. The vehicle situation is still on the rocks, and my life is still in the shitter, don't you just love the summer? Went to Chicago today with my sister, and found out that her aorta (which is narrower than normal from birth) has even gotten more narrow, and she might need a stint put in, not really a big deal, but it is because anything dealing with the heart is a big deal. So the hits just keep on coming. Not to mention the fact that a certain someone has stopped talking to me, or rather, just doesn't want to talk for who knows what reason, and the same old issue of another someone is pretty much the same as it has been for a year now. But fuck her, I could really give a shit. The only reason why I've been trying to stay in touch is that she owes me 300 bucks for a plane ticket which I didn't get to use last year because she stiffed me on that weekend, and decided to fuck me over and not be in town. Thanks a lot bitch. I swear, more now than ever, I wish I could just run away from all of this and not have to deal with it, and life would just fix itself, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. I have to ice skate uphill and deal with all of this, fun shit let me tell you...I'm sick of this bullshit...

Well, it's definitely not April anymore, nor is it May...I forgot how fucking fast times flies anymore now that I get older by the day. Seems like just yesterday I moved into my new room and met the roomie, but oh wait, that was almost a year ago...Well I got fucked if you all want to know, I had good grades, but failed two classes, and according to Purdue's infinite wisdom, that is enough to warrant a scholastic drop. So what does this mean for me? Well if you talk to my advisor, he says that readmission is guaranteed, so for all he knows, I could sit my ass on a beach drinking Coronas all day, and come back to Purdue in the spring. But if you talk to someone dealing with readmission, they'll be the first to tell you "take classes while you're gone". It's like dealing with Rainman "take classes, yeah, definitely take classes". Bunch of damn dopes on a rope if you ask me. Either way you have to hand it to Purdue, no matter what, they'll find a way to fuck you up. They might as well just have everyone bend over their desks in every class, and get fucked up the ass by the professor, then you really know you're getting fucked, and it would probably hurt less.
So besides the bitching, I'm in search of a job, and taking a semester off from Purdue (in protest I might add), and hopefully everything will be back on track in a few months...We'll just see what time can tell, because lately, she's been a bitch...

So, here I am, in the middle of dead week, or rather at the beginning of it. Where do I stand academically you might wonder...Well, all of my classes except two are outstanding. My grades are good and I'm on track. For the other two, things don't look so hot. I'm failing both of them, and if I completely bomb the finals, where will I be? Out on my ass, back at home, and freezing in northwest Indiana. I pray that things do not come to that, hence I am studying like a sonofabitch, but at the same time, the stress level is through the rough, and that tends to put kinks into the machine. I've got meetings with the two professors of those classes to see where I do stand, and how well I have to do in order to at least pass. It's kind of weird, in high school I never had trouble passing a class, hell I graduated number one, but once I got to college, I started accepting the fact that I had to struggle, and settled with getting c's and d's in classes. I never thought I'd be happy to see a d on my grade report, but if that's what I see for these two classes, it'll be the biggest celebration this campus has ever seen. So for anyone that reads this, keep me in your prayers, give me all the support you can, and hope for the best.

So, I've always been told that when you've been knocked off the horse, the hardest part is getting back on. How about this though, why just not knock the horse down and bring him to your level? You might be asking yourself, wow, you're really cynical today, more than usual. Yes, yes I am, you'd be cynical to if you saw that your love life was nothing but a bunch of failures and screw ups. I told myself two years ago after my last relationship ended that it would be a cold day in hell before I started to like another girl, well the devil was throwing snowballs about a week ago, and now he's basking in heat again, because surprise surprise, I've been fucked over by life once again. I know, I should get used to it by now, but I don't want to, I want to think that things will get better, and that I'll be able to look up into the sun and feel happy, but it has yet to happen...Maybe I'm cursed like my sister, she always seems to attract the neurotic assholes, and I guess I attract the bitches that don't want to have anything to do with me, maybe it's because I'm too nice. Maybe if I treat a girl like shit, she'll want to hang around longer...Ladies if you're reading this, help me out here, because I could really use the advice, hell even a date will do. I'm sick of dating, sick of relationships, and sick of all the bullshit. Fuck you all very much, I'm going to bed.

Wow, so it's been a while since I last updated my blog, eat me. A lot of shit has happened in that time, passing and failing classes, and a lot of alcohol...So while I know a lot has happened, I've also forgotten a lot of it. I'm glad that I drink like this now, because when I get out of college, if I'm still drinking like I am, I'll probably be considered an alcoholic. So at the current moment I'm trying to find a job, and an apartment, because there's no way in hell that I'm staying at home and working this summer, I don't feel like having a nervous breakdown during the best part of the year. Also, I hope that somehow I can get my hands on a car soon, because if so, I'm taking a huge ass road trip and seeing all those people that I've been wanting to see and haven't been able to. Only one person I know for sure that reads this is definitely one of those I would like to see. As far as everything else is concerned, I'm just trying to maintain my sanity while everything that I have right now is crumbling around me...

So I stand on a precipice, and wonder where this semester is going to take me...Will I get through alive, or will I utterly fail and spend another semester at home? I'm hoping the former rather than the latter, but it doesn't seem to harsh right now. I know one of my classes is kicking my ass, and that's because the homework is a bitch to do, therefore not much of it has been turned in. So my grade in that class sucks some major ass right now. As for the rest of my classes, well we'll see how those go, but no promises. I just hope that I do well enough to get out from underneath this damn car wreck that I've placed myself in. I want to be here next year, I want to graduate, I want to get out alive...

It's coming down to the wire folks. Two more weeks to spring break, which means that half the semester is over, and I still don't know shit. I got a few of my first tests back, well let's just say that I'm glad there's still two more tests to go because I suck some serious ass. It's such a pain when you study your balls off and you still fuck up. Oh well, there's always alcohol to forget your troubles. So, spring break, what is everyone else doing? Having a good fucking time that's what. What am I doing? Who the fuck knows...I don't have any money, nor do I have a vehicle, so the one thing that I wanted to do for Spring Break is out of the question. And that just chaps my ass to no end. Granted it's not the end of the world, but dammit I was looking forward to a road trip! Anyways, school still sucks, beer still rules, and I'm the greatest! haha

Alright, it's the end of yet another week, and probably the worst I've had yet this semester. Two tests, three lab reports (all of which were at a minimum of 10 pages, not your usual paper bullshit), plus the homework for five classes, all due by Wednesday night. Needless to say, I was blitzed like a mother fucker last night. So this weekend I'm heading down to IU to party and hang out with friends. Most of the time I would just stay here at Purdue and party, but I like a change of scenery from time to time. So what am I going to do this weekend, probably not remember any of it haha!!!! But who gives a fuck anyways? It's college, you drink like this because you can. Mainly because if you keep it up after college you're considered an alcoholic. So, time to drink!

Alright, so Valentine's day is just around the corner, and I haven't been keeping up with the updates as much as I'd like to, so all of you can go fuck yourself if you have a problem. What am I doing this Saturday, well, my ass is going to be at the Chicago Auto Show...If you can't have a woman for Valentine's, might as well be around some sexy cars. And then what you might ask...well I'm heading home to do my taxes, why, so I can get some fucking money for next year. I'm between a rock and a hard place right now, seeing as how my GPA sucks, so I'd like to take some summer classes to get that shit out of the way, however, if I can't find a place down here at school for the summer, it looks like some shitty summer job will be had by myself and myself alone, where guess where I get to live, with my folks. If you can't tell, it's not exactly what I want to do. Summer classes at ASU wouldn't be too bad, at least I'd have a place to stay, but then again, the issue of money comes up. I don't really know what to think, I'm just eagerly waiting for the weekend to roll around so my head can get unfucked and I can think straight.

What's new?...Well not entirely too much, except I've done so much homework in the last few days, you'd wonder how there's any trees left in this country to make paper. Anyways, things are still in the shitter with the wonderful (and I use that term very loosely) woman I've described in my previous post, she's still ignoring and being an all-around bitch. But you know what, that's her problem, if she can't see what she passed up, then fuck her, she'll never know, and always wonder "what if". As far as school goes, if anyone ever tells you that the engineering dept. here at good 'ol Purdue is the best, then evidently they speak Chinese, Arabic, or Hindi, because those are the only people in charge. It's pretty sad when someone bitches about ethnic minorities here at school, and they're referring to white people. The last I heard Purdue is one of the most diverse campuses in the US...that's so great for the rest of us that have to put up with instructors that can barely speak a word of English, and get pissed if you don't understand what they're doing the minute they put it up on the board. Fucking foreigners...I'm sick of school, and we haven't even been in a month yet. Is that a bad thing? I rushed a fraternity, only I wasn't able to get a bid because my GPA was too low...and the best thing is that I was told to lie about it, because the brothers wanted me in the house, but oh well, it's over and behind me now, just because I didn't get a bid doesn't mean I can't go and hang out at the house, but then again, a friend of mine just got permanently blacklisted there as well, so he's not able to ever step foot in it again HAHA now that's funny, I don't care who you are! So what if I'm a heartless bastard, deal with it.

So here we are, three weeks into the new semester, and already the shit from last semester has caught up with me. Is it academics, sports?...Nope neither one, it has something to do with a certain someone...someone with whom I've been friends with for quite a while, and for some reason or another she has decided to go from best friend to bitch in less than a week flat. Mind you, that happened twice last year, once in June, and the second time in October. When asking here why, her response was a flat, "Because this is the way it has to be." I don't know about the rest of you, but that's a bullshit answer. If you want to be adult about things, at least give a fucking reason...but does she have one, I don't know, might never know unless I go down there and kick her damn door in, giving her a reason to finally talk to me. Would that be stalking, I don't think so because it would probably only be one time, one time in which I could lay out all the false truths she's told me, and I can tell her exactly how I feel, and then let it be done with, no matter what the outcome. Is that so much to ask?...That all I want is a reason and some peace of mind?...Not to mention the fact that for a little while she had unblocked me from AIM, but now here I am, blocked once more...the reason, who the fuck knows?...I'm really sick of this shit. Why is it every girl that I have ever given my heart to has done nothing but fuck me over? Don't get me wrong, I'm not against relationships in the least, but let's just cut all of this bullshit and just be honest with each other from the start, then maybe there will be a strong, lasting connection, and not all of this that I'm going through...Just give me a fucking chance that's all that I ask...

Well, it's that time again kiddies, another update from yours truly...So the semester has begun anew, as well as the bullshit. I decided to rush a fraternity, and let me tell you, I've been going through things like crazy in my head since the first minute that I stepped back onto campus. I've tried to think of the reasons I've been doing things, and why I've chosen the route of my life that I'm taking right now...and they've all lead to one conclusion: Life is one big ride, hold on and enjoy it, and look forward to all the crazy twists and turns that it takes, because no matter how bad it might get, you'll always come out on top. That's all for now, look for more soon...

Ho, ho, ho, merry new year, a jolly kwanzaa, and whatever the hell else made up holidays they have at this time of year. I thought I would share with you all some of the merriment of the last few days. Well...to be honest there really hasn't been any merriment. I'm another year older, another Christmas and year has passed us by, and I'm still surviving, so there really isn't anything to complain about. Strange isn't it? Not having me complain about anything, well give me some time, I'm sure I can come up with something...
Just saw on the news tonight that NASA landed it's new rover on the surface of Mars, and everything went as planned...take that ESA!!! HAHA American superiority at its finest. Although you have to admit, the fact that out of all the shit the world has sent hurtling towards Mars, only about 20% has actually made it there. The rest has either crashed or simply disappeared, never to be heard from again, kind of makes you wonder what's really out there...Maybe it's the Taliban, or terrorists, at least that's what Homeland Security would want you to think. Do us all a favor if you're reading this, pick up an international newspaper, read the stories, see what actually goes on in the world. Can't trust the US press because they only write stories to sell newspapers, seeing as how capitalism is the driving force in our economy. Not necessarily a bad thing, but can be when it gets out of hand, as we're seeing many examples of lately. I refuse to watch the news on TV anymore, because if I did, they'd have me cowering in a bomb shelter with a gun and a statue of Jesus waiting for the end of the earth, rather than living my life normally, realizing that things aren't as bad as the news stations would like you to believe. Well enough of my rant...I could go on for hours.
School starts up again in a little over a week, and I get to retake two classes, yay for me, I'm an idiot. Oh well, look at it this way, at least I won't have to pay that much for books this semester. Now, my only birthday wish is for the administration at Purdue to play a nice game of hide and go fuck yourself.