Well, guess it's time I get the few readers that I have up to date on the current situation here in hell, a.k.a. NW Indiana. Most of the paperwork to get my ass out of here is done, there's still a few odds and ends to get wrapped up, but as of January I'll be down state once again. And let me tell you something, I'm not fucking up because I don't want to be in school any longer than I need to be. Hell, if I could be doing anything right now, I think I'd choose to be over in Iraq fighting with the boys over there, at least I'd have someone watching my back, and a hell of a lot more people to care for. But then again we can't always get our wishes, nor do things ever go smoothly in life. Thanksgiving was pretty nice, at least I didn't have to go over to the fam's place, they don't talk to us anyways (long story, don't really feel like explaining, just trust me on this one) so what's the point of going over there? Might as well be comfortable here at home. As far as the female situation is concerned, I'm pretty done with it, I give up. If you're not going to be up and front and honest with me (that goes for anyone and everyone) I don't have a use for you, so don't waste my time. Tomorrow starts the great Christmas shopping spree, and my ass has to be to work by 5:30 in the morning. No doubt we'll have a shitload of people already standing outside in the cold. I tell you, if one of those pricks goes off on me tomorrow about how long they had to stand in line, I'll strangle the fucker. The parent's lawsuit is still ongoing, the insurance company wants to settle, but the problem is that on their end the paperwork keeps changing hands, and they don't return phone calls. So rather than a nice little, out of court issue, this is going to be an all out witch hunt, with those assholes strung up by their dicks in a courtroom, just so my parents can break even. That's right, they won't get anything extra. The amount they are supposed to get, and the amount of all the medical shit is exactly the same. And mind you this has been going on for three years now. Hell my parents will be lucky if their credit is back to normal before they die. If I ever see or meet any of the people involved with the situation, you'll see my picture on the front page of the paper...Those bastards will wish for death before I'm done with them...

Ok, now usually I don't respond to comments made on what I say, but the most recent one almost requires a response. Fuck that, it needs a response. Have I analyzed my actions within these "relationships" that I've had? Most definitely, I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to self-criticizing. I tear myself apart, some would say too much. I have analyzed, and re-analyzed these situations to the point that it would make any other person sick, and honestly I've come to one very common conclusion: Women are strange creatures, and make absolutely no sense. Therefore I shouldn't waste my time in trying to understand their actions, I should try to accept them, or not. That's pretty much my choices in these matters. But I have to admit, I do love the "it's not them it's you" statement, only a woman would come back with that, or a gay guy, either way they think along the same lines. No straight guy would say anything like that, nor would that even cross his mind. Hell a normal guy wouldn't even be reading this blog, and if one was, I'd ask him why the hell he was, and then suggest other things he could be doing with his spare time rather than reading about my fucked up life. I keep this blog not for everyone to read, you can if you won't I don't care, but more for me to try to organize all the shit that goes on in my head. It's like Dr. Seuss' worst nightmare up there, but if you met me in real life you wouldn't even guess that's what it's like, I do a very good job of hiding things, too well in fact, and it has cost me dearly, but that's another story for another time. Back to the matter at hand, no it's not me, it only becomes me when I do everything I can from my end to try and figure out what's going on, but the problem lies in the fact that the other party concerned doesn't try to meet me halfway. In that case, it's the old story of when you mess with a bull you get the horns. Now I consider myself a very considerate guy. Most girls (even the ones I talk about here) would tell you that I've gone out of my way to listen to them, and be there for them no matter what. When that changes is when they change. Why and how they change, and what the reason is is beyond me, and it would help if these specific few would actually sack up from time to time and confront the issue, rather than just run away and ignore it, but therein lies a weakness/strength of mine: I take things head on. I don't run away, I confront the problem and deal with it until it's over, I don't set things aside, I don't let other people make/influence my decisions/thoughts/feelings on a subject. I'm the most considerate, sympathetic, but hard headed son of a bitch you'll ever meet. And you know what, I'm better off for it, otherwise I wouldn't have learned the most important lessons that I have over the years. So is it me? Doubt it...Is it them? More than likely, but until someone has the cojones to speak up, we'll never know...

Well, after this last week I can say that I've been to Cheers, had lobster in Maine, been on the USS Constitution, been through Rhode Island, and stepped on the beaches of New Hampshire. That's right, I did a wonderful vacantion in New England. Talk about history, oh yeah, and I spent Halloween in Salem, MA, now that was freaky. It was good to get away from the dark and dreary area of NW Indiana, and check out some new scenery, did some good for me to get away from all of the people and things that piss me off. However, when I came back today, all that stuff is still waiting for me, but oh well, such is life you know. Now, I got a cryptic message a while back, and this person didn't want me to write anything in my blog, so I won't about that, but I have to say something about last week. Now if she's reading, and maybe she is, I just would like to say that I really trusted you in sending you that essay I would like you to have read over for me. But it's nice to know that you were such a good friend that you flat out didn't do it. I was depending on you to come through, and you blew me off, so fuck you for that. I have never been more hurt, nor stabbed in the back as much as when you did that. I thought we were friends, and evidently we weren't, especially if you can let someone else dictate your friendships for you, so you know what, fuck that. Unless you want to apologize, I might as well be dead to you, because obviously I don't, and never did matter. On another note, Best Buy has now extended it's hours, so that's means more money, which of course needs to go towards paying off my fucking credit card, which was used to death this last week. Talk about being in it up to your eyeballs, but I still had a good time and it was worth it.