You know, I can't remember the last time that I actually had a good night's sleep. It's been a while, and I wish I could have them a lot more. I lay in bed, wondering where the hell have I been in my life, where I'm going, and am I happy with who I am and what I am doing. And the sad thing is that I can't answer these questions, well other than the "where have I been". Eventually I give up on sleep, and sit in the chair on my porch and smoke cigarettes asking myself endless streams of rhetorical questions, all of which have no answer, or multiple ones, granted a rhetorical question is not supposed to have an answer, but I try anyway. I'm just really confused about where to go. I feel as if I'm heading in a good direction, but what other roadblocks are there that I need to think about; what other things are out there to hop up and stand in my way? But those aren't easy things to deal with because no one truly knows the future, and I don't want my life to be a series of checks on a sheet of things-to-do. I want to make my mark, but how...I want to find the right career, but how...I want to find the right woman when all I do is find the freaks and psychos...Even though the relationship idea isn't very high on the totem right now, it is still there in the back of my mind. People tell me they met "the one" in college; well my term is almost over and I haven't even found anyone close...I've just found a bunch that I wouldn't want, but I can take that as a learning experience. In retrospect, I wish I would've learned that engineering wasn't for me (at least at this particular time in my life, you never know when I might try to go back and finish it) because had that happened, I wouldn't be in a position where I love my major, but I have to really make grades in order to have something even resembling a decent GPA by the time I graduate, and that seriously bothers me. It bothers me to the point where I can't sleep at night wondering if I'm going to be flipping burgers or waiting tables for the rest of my life simply because I didn't have the best GPA. Now I know that those numbers aren't all that employers are looking for, but hell, they help a lot. Especially when someone like me is tempted to try and go to law school. If you don't have the GPA, you better damn well do a good job on your LSAT, otherwise you're fucked outright. But whatever...I just really need some guidance, and I have it, but I don't. The family is very supportive of whatever I do, but they just don't understand everything I'm going through, and that's where their support is appreciated, but is also worthless. I wish I had someone to talk to, someone to help me out that's been in my position and is somewhere good now that can give me all the little dirty insider secrets to help me out. Oh well, you never know what might happen in life down the road. There's always the military. It's a good thing that there's always plenty of people to kill...